you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
