Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
