i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
