You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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