Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
