is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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