I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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