If i come over, it means nothing
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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