well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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