If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
