if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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