fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
