I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
