dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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