I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize