Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize