If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He? As in you personified your dick?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
