I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
