yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
