i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
