I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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