My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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