I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
