haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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