Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
