It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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