I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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