it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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