thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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