Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
