Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
