My underwear smells like fireworks.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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