You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
