So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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