I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
