i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
