two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
