3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
