I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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