I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
