So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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