My room smells like vodka and shame
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
