Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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