I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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