so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
