I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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