I seem to have left my pride at pride
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
