We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
