So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize