here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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