NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize