i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
