Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
