Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You made out with two different species that night
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
