All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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