can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
