My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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