I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
