I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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