i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
