He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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