Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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