I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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