You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
