Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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