You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
