all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
