Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
