A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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