'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
