i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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