guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
