Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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