I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
