So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize