Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
